I hate Christmas

I catch a lot of heat for this. I work with children, therefore I should love all things that other people think are "fun". I have two children therefore I should love bringing the "joy of Christmas" into their lives. And who hates Christmas?!

Bah humbug. Scrooge they call me.

But no one ever asks why I hate it.

I didn't always hate Christmas. When I was little, I kinda loved Christmas. It was always filled with love and smiles and the people that were most important to me. We went to church and it was the only time my dad ever came with us. He cooked a big breakfast and the smell of bacon filled the house. I can still hear the sound of my Grandpa's deep, melodic voice singing Christmas hymns in church even though he passed away almost a decade ago. Of course, there was an occasional argument when my sister got a present that I really wanted or when we made my mom late for church. But for the most part, it was a pretty happy day in our house.

Like millions of children, Christmas changed when my parents got divorced. Alternating years between them deprived us of a tradition to look forward to. For years, Christmas with my dad was in a hotel and there was almost always no restaurants open to eat at. It was always tense when my parents made the hand-off of the goods - us, the children. As if we were a product to be delivered as opposed to tiny important people to be loved and embraced. My dad remarried but my mom never did. So any time we were with my dad, I worried about my mom being alone. My mom struggled to make ends meet and I always felt bad for her that she could never give us as much as she wanted to or as much as my dad did. All the excitement of Christmas turned into disappointment. And Christmas became, not something to look forward to, but something to survive.

This all sounds familiar, right? A story literally millions of children could tell.

As I got older, I became aware of the broader tensions that Christmas brought in our society. Not everyone celebrates Christmas causing the religions and values of many people to be overlooked at this time of year. Many families go into debt to "show" their love for other people. Some children get big elaborate gifts from Santa, some children get nothing. Well-meaning parents often use "Santa" as a bribe or a threat to get their children to behave. More recently, the "elf on the shelf" brings an added "big brother" layer to the month but also the competitive layer for parents to outdo each other with creative and clever setups for the mischievous elf and then post them on social media. Balancing family events and family conflicts is complicated and stressful.

And for those of us that don't love Christmas, we are bombarded with decorations, music, and social pressure for two whole months. It is well known that this time of year is hard for many people as they mourn loved ones that have passed or they mourn relationships that are struggling. Or they struggle to pay the bills and buy gifts and keep up with all of the social pressures and unrealistic expectations. This is a peak time for depression, anxiety, and suicide.

I hate that Christmas never felt like it looked in the movies.
I hate that Christmas was a bargaining tool to manipulate behavior.
I hate that Christmas was more often disappointing than not.
I hate that Christmas hurts.
I hate that I can't bring back all the Christmas's that felt good.

Sometimes I even hate that I hate Christmas.

But most of all, I hate that I feel like I'm not allowed to.

So, if you hate Christmas too, that's ok.

And if you know someone that hates Christmas, make space for them to hate it. They likely have their reasons and it's not your role to try and change their mind.