You've been BLOCKED!

Given that I was born in 1981, I am technically a xennial - which is exactly right as I have characteristics consistent with typical generation x-ers as well as characteristics consistent with millennials. One of the most distinguishing characteristics of a xennial is that we grew up without social media and the internet as a driving force in our social lives as children and teens but it landed quickly and boldly in our laps immediately as we became young adults. This is important for a few reasons: I already had a degree and my career started before employers searched for my social media links, I was already well beyond my major party years before it became common to post every pic and check in everywhere you go, I experienced intimate relationships - both friendships and romantic relationships face-to-face without the filter of the internet and passive keyboard judgement. It also means that the rapid onset of the internet and social media sometimes throws a wrench in what I think I know about relationships. And what I think I can trust about someone is sometimes limited to what they've chosen to portray through social media. And I'm often surprised by the petty and passive aggressive ways in which people use social media.

So, the first time I realized that someone unfriended me and, gasp, BLOCKED me, it was gut-wrenching. What in the world had I done that would cause someone to eliminate me from existence? And what prevalence did my social media presence have that seemed so necessary to extinguish? Where did I misstep? How can I make sure I'm not erased? How do I know who to trust?

I truly wanted to understand this. I asked a lot of people, have you every blocked someone? Why would you block someone? What impact is it meant to have? And I tried to imagine the same questions for me, what would someone have to do for me to block them? What would be my point? And I couldn't really come up with an answer at first. A few years ago, I had unfollowed a handful of people on one social media platform who had made several explicit offensive, prejudice, and closed-minded posts. I created a social media world that felt safe and matched my views almost exactly. I learned very loudly through the last presidential election that move to tailor my porthole view to my preference made me naively oblivious to the bigger picture. I was caught off guard by the outcome of the election because I chose not to see people that thought differently than me. It also occurred to me that my action of unfollowing them had no impact on them whatsoever. I immediately re-followed everyone and carefully processed their perspectives. What was the point of unfollowing them in the first place? I had unfollowed them to feel “safe” but their posts weren’t harmful to me. It was my inability to process other perspectives that was the real threat.

I had thought by placing these digital blinders in my life, I was applying a layer of safety but in reality I was increasing my risk of injury because I couldn't see what else is out there. In order to assess all angles and potential risk, we have to bravely remove the blinders even if there are things we don't want to see, hear, feel, or experience. It doesn't mean we have to follow or be friends with everyone we meet and certainly our social media experiences should be tailored to our personal boundaries but it's worth giving careful consideration to our actions and presence in the social media world. Are we blocking people from our lives because they are toxic or because we are afraid of confronting our own difficulty with perspectives different than our own?

Anxiety is...

Anxiety is...

Waiting for the alarm that isn't set.
A nightmare while you're awake.
Words jumping around the page.
The bee almost stinging.
Drowning in air.

Being alone in a crowd of people.
Infinite mistakes and potential mistakes shackled to your ankles.
Never being enough and always being too much.
The car accident that never happened.
The almost car accident replaying and replaying pressing for a different, worse outcome.

An urge to jump merely to avoid the fall.
An insatiable itch.
Being afraid of the dark in broad daylight.
An earthquake that no one else feels.
Waiting for the milk to spill.

Missing pleasure, distracted by waiting for pain.
Choking on nothing.
The scar that stings like a fresh cut.
Being unseen.
Being too seen.

Anxiety is...

Invisible.

Relentless.

Paralyzing.

Yet.

Janelle Monáe had an incredible song on Sesame Street in 2013 called “The Power if Yet” and it has been on my mind a lot lately. There are a variety of “Power of Yet” posters, mugs, workshops, t-shirts. And it makes sense. The hardest part of believing in yourself is accepting that something you don’t have or can’t do right now will eventually come. Waiting is hard. Self-doubt is powerful. 

My career as an early childhood educator can be summed up as a unique opportunity to help children develop into their future selves at their own pace. We know that children will hit the next milestone of walking, talking, writing, counting, in due time. They just aren’t there, yet. We plan experiences that will get them there through practice, multiple opportunities and lots of enthusiastic support along the way. For them, it can be frustrating to be so close to taking that first step, remembering all the letters in their name, or tying their shoe. For us, we know they’re going to get there because we’ve been down their path before. We know the time they’re putting in now will get them to their goals, they just aren’t there, yet. 

It’s easy for us. We know “yet” will come. 

But when we consider our adult goals and dreams we sometimes forget to apply “yet”. We go through the same process of practice, baby steps, and celebrating little milestones along the way. But it can still feel like our dreams will never come to fruition. But what if we applied the power of “yet”? What if we started believing we could achieve anything we wanted to even if we aren’t there, yet. 

Try it. 

You haven’t published your first book, yet. 

You haven’t run a marathon, yet, 

You don’t own a house, yet. 

You don’t have your dream job, yet. 

You’re still developing and growing. But those goals of your last are still attainable. Not having them now doesn’t mean they won’t come, they’re just not achieved, yet. 

Give power to the time and prices of growing and developing. Give power to “yet”. 

I’ve been adding this simple word to the end of my sentences and the impact is powerful. Adding this simple word is building momentum, giving me energy, and bringing my goals into focus. “Yet” drives me forward with hope and eventual certainty.  

Where can you apply the power of “yet”  to your life?