~Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
In the past 16 months I have lost 3 grandparents, my sister-in-law, my dog, and suffered a miscarriage. It would be impossible to experience this and not feel heavy and somber at times. It’s hard not to dwell on the loss and the noticeable voids in my life. And if I’m honest, sometimes it’s even harder not to envy what others have that I don’t.
I’m endlessly grateful for your kind words, genuine hugs, thoughtful cards, and prayers during this difficult stretch. They have been so comforting and soothing. Some days, I’m nearly dependent on them to keep sight of the good when things seem so dark.
If you can do all this for me, can you do one more thing? Honor what you have. And in doing so you can honor what I’ve lost.
In the middle of the night when your baby cries for the 17th time and you just want to sleep, honor the opportunity to hold your baby as I would’ve liked to hold mine. When your dog chews something up or begs to go outside or needs to squeeze into the smallest space on the couch to be with you, honor that companionship and know how much I miss it. When your grandparent tells the same story for the 8th time, honor that history and know that I no longer have that reach into the past through my family tree. When you don’t see eye-to-eye with someone, when you don’t know how to help someone who needs it, when you don’t know how to forgive someone’s mistakes, honor that difficulty and know that in one relationship, I no longer have the chance to try.
I know as you’re reading this, you’re thinking of your own loss. And I know you’re thinking of how much I still have. Some of which you don’t anymore. I’m right there with you. I know how much you have lost. I know how much your heart has broken in the last year, 2 years, 5 years.
I see you.
I promise to honor what I have, and in doing so, I promise to honor what you have lost.
This week, I’m going to hold my 5yo a little tighter because I know his life is a gift in mine. I vow to call my mom and my dad. I’m going to tell my husband I love him and mean it. I’m going to invite my friends into my home and enjoy the companionship and memories we share. I’m going to snuggle my dog because I value her loyalty and presence in my life.
I think we can do this for each other. I think that we can ease the ache of loss by really loving and embracing all that we have right now.
So, here’s what I ask of you: share with me your successes and experiences and relationships. With you, I will celebrate all that you have and gratefully accept the honor you’re paying to what has been lost.
