It’s complicated

 I see you. The person struggling with Father’s Day. 

Your dad passed away years ago and you miss him all the time. 

Your dad was a jerk. 

You’ve always wanted to be a dad but it hasn’t happened for you. 

You have two moms. 

You and your dad are working through something difficult. 

You’ve made some missteps as a dad and feel guilty. 

You’re far away from your children today and you miss them. 

You don’t identify as a binary gender. 

You owe your dad an apology you’re not ready to give. 

Your dad wasn’t around. 

Your dad is terminally ill. 

Your parents don’t identify as non-binary genders. 

You have other male role models that filled the “father” role for you. 

It’s complicated. I see you. 

Holidays like this always have me thinking about who’s hurting today. Holidays can be incredibly difficult and the forced “Hallmark holidays” are often the worst. They’re mainstream, exclusionary, and rarely live up to the social pressure and hype. 

For me, my relationship with my dad has changed a lot over the years. When my parents first got divorced, I felt abandoned and betrayed. As I got older, I understood my Dad’s perspective but also felt the distance of a relationship that had been strained for many years. Now, my dad and I are much closer and I’ve come to accept our relationship as it is without wishing it to be something else. I feel grateful for the relationship with my dad that other people might be wishing they had in their lives. 

This is the second Father’s Day since losing my last grandpa. I’m keenly aware of that void of guidance, history, and love that filled my life for so many years. I feel this daily but especially as I run through my short list of people to call and buy cards for today. 

This is my husband’s 7th Father’s Day. Watching him as a dad has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I’m indescribably grateful that my children have him to look up to and grow with. 

For me, holidays like this elicit a myriad of emotions. For my own experiences but also for the people in my life that also have their own challenges to face. 

I hope that if this is a happy day for you, you celebrate with everything you have. I also hope that you reach out to someone you love who might be hurting today. Because, it’s complicated.