You've been BLOCKED!

Given that I was born in 1981, I am technically a xennial - which is exactly right as I have characteristics consistent with typical generation x-ers as well as characteristics consistent with millennials. One of the most distinguishing characteristics of a xennial is that we grew up without social media and the internet as a driving force in our social lives as children and teens but it landed quickly and boldly in our laps immediately as we became young adults. This is important for a few reasons: I already had a degree and my career started before employers searched for my social media links, I was already well beyond my major party years before it became common to post every pic and check in everywhere you go, I experienced intimate relationships - both friendships and romantic relationships face-to-face without the filter of the internet and passive keyboard judgement. It also means that the rapid onset of the internet and social media sometimes throws a wrench in what I think I know about relationships. And what I think I can trust about someone is sometimes limited to what they've chosen to portray through social media. And I'm often surprised by the petty and passive aggressive ways in which people use social media.

So, the first time I realized that someone unfriended me and, gasp, BLOCKED me, it was gut-wrenching. What in the world had I done that would cause someone to eliminate me from existence? And what prevalence did my social media presence have that seemed so necessary to extinguish? Where did I misstep? How can I make sure I'm not erased? How do I know who to trust?

I truly wanted to understand this. I asked a lot of people, have you every blocked someone? Why would you block someone? What impact is it meant to have? And I tried to imagine the same questions for me, what would someone have to do for me to block them? What would be my point? And I couldn't really come up with an answer at first. A few years ago, I had unfollowed a handful of people on one social media platform who had made several explicit offensive, prejudice, and closed-minded posts. I created a social media world that felt safe and matched my views almost exactly. I learned very loudly through the last presidential election that move to tailor my porthole view to my preference made me naively oblivious to the bigger picture. I was caught off guard by the outcome of the election because I chose not to see people that thought differently than me. It also occurred to me that my action of unfollowing them had no impact on them whatsoever. I immediately re-followed everyone and carefully processed their perspectives. What was the point of unfollowing them in the first place? I had unfollowed them to feel “safe” but their posts weren’t harmful to me. It was my inability to process other perspectives that was the real threat.

I had thought by placing these digital blinders in my life, I was applying a layer of safety but in reality I was increasing my risk of injury because I couldn't see what else is out there. In order to assess all angles and potential risk, we have to bravely remove the blinders even if there are things we don't want to see, hear, feel, or experience. It doesn't mean we have to follow or be friends with everyone we meet and certainly our social media experiences should be tailored to our personal boundaries but it's worth giving careful consideration to our actions and presence in the social media world. Are we blocking people from our lives because they are toxic or because we are afraid of confronting our own difficulty with perspectives different than our own?