We Are Not Brave

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I don't provide direct care to patients with COVID-19, I am the director at a child care center that provides care for the children of doctors treating COVID patients. Ever since the executive order to close non-essential businesses and stay home, my child care center has remained open and to provide care for hospital employees.

Everyday we get real time updates from the front lines - both the increasing intensity and the reassuring systems in place to protect people.

There is an amount of reassurance in having updates right from the source. But it is never lost on us what being that close to the action also means.

We recognize our increased risk of exposure. We recognize our increased likelihood of getting sick. We recognize the likelihood of one of the parents or child in our center community getting sick. And in all of that, the possibility of death, for us or someone we care about.

Despite all this, my teachers show up every single day. And they are playful, and loving, and truly present.

But let's be so clear, coming to work everyday is not an act of bravery. But we are not cowards.

Our sense of social responsibility is strong.
We understand how crucial it is for children to go through this uncertainty with familiarity and love.
We're heading out into the world to do our part to minimize the horrifying impact of this virus on our future.

Every single day when I wake up I have to remind myself that this is real.
People are getting sick.
People are dying.

I'm aware of the risk for me. For my two young children and my husband.
I'm scared every single day.
At least once a week I cry all the way home from work.

It's hard for me everyday to ask my teachers to keep coming to work, knowing they are afraid, knowing the risk is real.

But I do ask. And they do show up.

We are not brave, but we are not cowards. We just know this is bigger than us.