I Believe Her Too - Part 2

January 8^th, 2019

I wrote the first part of this post in October 2018 when Christine Ford testified against a man running for one of the highest positions in our political system. I didn’t initially publish this post for a variety of reasons: fear, vulnerability, and guilt. I understood that I was reliving previous experiences that filled me with fear. I understood that by posting this I was admitting things about my past that are hard to talk about and hard to remember and by publishing, I was inviting people to know those things about me and that made me feel vulnerable. It was the guilt that surfaced that surprised me. And at first I wasn’t sure what that was about. At times, I recognized the role I played in some of the situations I was in – but that’s not guilt, that’s self-blame. I can recall too many times that I didn’t believe what a friend told me about how they were treated or I mentally downplayed their emotional reaction to what they experienced. And I felt guilty. As I should. I haven’t always advocated for women and their safety and I felt guilty about that. As I should. I haven’t shown up where I needed to, when I needed to.

Fast forward to January, 2019 and the airing of “Surviving R. Kelly”, a documentary on Lifetime. The most blatant difference here from other cases of women and children being coerced, abused, and exploited points directly to the endemic treatment of girls and women of color. The collective “we” has not supported them, protected them, and defended them. In fact, the #metoo movement was started by a black woman in 2006 and was later hijacked by a white actress in 2017 demonstrating the systemic hoarding of power. The message for decades has been that black women and black girls are disposable.

Enough. Black women and girls are important.

This isn’t about our stories or our guilt but about doing the work. We showed up for the white women. This is a moment when black women and children victims of years of abuse have a chance to be heard, defended, and believed. As we watch this horrifying documentary unfold, we have an opportunity and a responsibility to show up and believe them too.