For you

 

Image credit: www.passiton.com

In a recent YouTube video by Black Eyed Peas and Jennifer Hudson remaking "The Love", they include powerful messages of what's on the ballot in 3 days: 

Indigenous rights are on the ballot. 

Compassion is on the ballot. 

Ending poverty is on the ballot. 

Science is on the ballot. 

Democracy is on the ballot. 

Justice is on the ballot.

You can watch this powerful video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk7LPpY8pXM

I've watched this video multiple times as people in my Facebook feed have shared and re-shared it numerous times in the past 2 weeks. Each time I watch it, my eyes fill up with tears, my throat gets a little tight, and my heart aches. Because I see myself in those messages, I see people I love in those messages, and I see my values in those messages. 

I've had a lot of anxiety going into this election. Way more than ever before and I think that's true for many people. When I think about what's at stake, I think about my reproductive rights, my voice as a woman, the safety of our black friends, legal rights for my friends in same-sex marriages, the rights of my trans and non-binary friends, the environment, the pandemic, immigrant rights, our education system, and more. 

It's not just the rights  and safety of individual people and marginalized groups. It's not just science and education and a sustainable future. It's not just figuring out how to survive and rebound from a global pandemic. It's the dignity of our nation, the unity we used to feel in collective freedom and pride, a shared vision for a better future for our children and their children. 

The last 4 years have destroyed our country. We were never perfect. But we have become even more divided and fueled by hate. We fell for the lies and the false promise of success and equality through capitalism. We have let white supremacy, prejudice, and elitism speak louder than science, social justice, and compassion. 

What's on the ballot for me is a future based on love, equity, and a regard for others even if they are different than us. Separation of church and state is on the ballot for me. Trusting science is on the ballot for me. Moving forward is on the ballot for me. Fighting back is on the ballot for me. Not being silenced is on the ballot for me. 

What's on the ballot for you? 

It's Fine

credit: https://giphy.com/explore/im-fine-thanks

In the past week, schools have closed, businesses have shut down, basic supplies are hard to find, we are restricted from gathering... and so much more. A lot of people are struggling with anxiety and depression. And that makes a lot of sense. This is hard to process and we don't know what is going to happen next.

My life is effected in several specific, immediate ways and the potential duration and severity of this situation could have many negative impacts. But I don't feel anxious or depressed at all. I feel calm, optimistic and energetic. I didn't think much of this at first. Maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones that is naturally resilient!

And then this week, Vicki Peterson of The Mighty wrote an article called "Feeling Calm in the Midst of the Coronavirus Pandemic Might be a Trauma Response". Oh. Damn. That's why this feels ok. I have so much practice carrying on when things are falling apart around me. My brain is actually wired differently.

I had a lot of feelings reading this article.

First, how lucky I am to have so much trauma that I can rally through a pandemic! Wait, lucky? That seems kinda messed up. I've never fault grateful for my trauma. But now, I can see how my resilience can be a gift in difficult situations. I am around a lot of people that are struggling right now. Remaining calm has allowed me to gather information, organize people, and make plans to help others.

Second, it hurts to be so seen. Every time my past trauma is brought into my current reality, it stings a little. This article was hard to read because it is right. I forget that little life stresses feel big to me and huge issues seem like a breeze. That's not normal. I've known for a long time that I'm most comfortable when things are a mess and life feels dysfunctional. I get anxious when things are good.

Third, a key point in this article is the eventual crash. Some day, it will knock me over all at once. But what I know from my past is that it probably won't happen this week, or this month, or even this year. It's like to happen years from now when I'm explaining to my children what it was like to live through this time, when I out loud admit all the hard parts, they will fall like pieces into one complete puzzle and I won't be able to look away. That's when the crash will come.

In this moment, I'm not oblivious. I'm not brave or unusual. I've just been in enough dark places that help me embrace these truths:  I know that things are bad. I know that bad things often get worse. I also know it's possible to come out on the other side.

Don't say the C-word

You know the one. It's March 19th, 2020. You know the c-word we're all tired of hearing. It's kept us in our homes, children are out of school, there's a shortage on toilet paper. And no shortage of advice right now.

Don't take in too much social media. Stay on social media to be connected.
Don't feel like you have to be a teacher to your child. Be sure your child doesn't fall behind.
Don't go out into public. Keep going to work.
Don't fall for the hyped up media. Take this seriously.
Practice. Self. Care. Don't know what that is right now?

Here's my advice for you: Don't take my advice. Do you.

This is hard for all of us and what makes you feel better and able to function is going to be different.

For me:

I like information. It's soothing for me to understand what is happening.

I take walks every day. Even just 15 minutes. It feels good to breath and feel a sense of infinite space outside.

I play hard with my kids. We dance, we wrestle, we play board games. I run a child care center providing care to a major medical system. It is beyond stressful right now. I need to set it down for an hour and just be a mom.

I dance all the way to work to as loud and empowering music as I can find. Currently loving "Salt" by Ava Max and "Don't Start Now" by Dua Lipa.

I cry all the way home from work. Because the days are long. And it makes me feel good. And it would be so weird not to feel something right now.

I cuddle with my husband. We have had a great sex life for the 14 years we've been together. But right now this feels different. I know I'm not fully present for him due to my stress. But I also need the calm physical contact to bring me back into my body.

I take a shower every day and put on make up and wear cute shoes and my favorite accessories. Because when I show up fully and fabulous, I don't feel like so much is being taken from me.

Naming these things that are providing me comfort and relief helped me realize I don't need anyone else's list of how to squeeze in a gratitude FB post every day, vigorous exercise, write a note to 5 people, and so on. If that's your list, good, keep doing it.

And if it helps you, don't say the c-word. But if it does help, feel free to say all the c-words right now.